I am so fed up with these self-improvement gurus and motivational speakers who hype up the room and play with people’s emotions just to make them feel like they are capable of achieving anything… just so they can crash when they go home a few days after the event and stay exactly where they were, but now much more depressed and full of self-loathing, because they weren’t able to achieve that they were so hyped up about. If all these self-help books, motivational speaking events and spiritual nonsensical modern wave of madness had worked, there wouldn’t be any sad, depressed and poor person left in America. Don’t get me wrong though, I am spiritual (whatever that means for you) and I am constantly thinking about the meaning of life and the big picture and solutions to the non-existent problems (after all I am an ENFP, -if it means anything to you- I can’t help it). But this new wave of “spiritual hustler” mentality is getting under my skin, to be honest. You ask : WHY?
Let me tell ya why!
All this magical sounding manifestations, law of attractions, create your dream board and match your resonance with it so that it will feel like it is your reality already, bla bla bla shit…. it all sounds like a modern day magic bed time story. Not that there is no truth to it, because it does matter what mentality we are living in, or what thoughts we believe (if for nothing else, it matters for you because thoughts can ruin or make your days fo shizzle) but my problem is mostly with the underlying message of it all. Which is that you are a NOBODY as of now, and you can not be happy as you are, because happiness is just out there, only a new job, new partner, new house, car or a NEW YOU away. Go ahead, manifest the shit out of your dreams then you can live in forever la la land happily ever after. But guess what?! You are bringing the YOU that you are now into that manifestation, and if your feelings/thoughts about you are the same, then even with improved circumstances, you will still be tripping over the smallest problems, worrying about the future and sweating blood to manifest the next dream of yours, because that shit never stops. It’s all because of the hedonic treadmill theory. (The hedonic treadmill, also known as hedonic adaptation, is the observed tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes. According to this theory, as a person makes more money, expectations and desires rise in tandem, which results in no permanent gain in happiness. -Wikipedia)
And you’ll trick yourself into thinking that the next big thing will bring you granted satisfaction, but it won’t. It will level you out to the same level of happiness you were before you achieved it. Meanwhile you keep thinking that you are not good enough the way you are, and it can’t be it, this present moment just cannot contain happiness that I am searching for so desperately. And we (falsely) believe that only on top will we be able to find satisfaction, happiness and joy. Where ever we are is definitely not the place where those qualities reside. You need to expand, create, leave a dent in this world, make a difference, be a go- getter and praise the hustling, always want more and never stop, never give up attitude. Barf! Yuck! Even typing these words make me nauseous. We declare war on mediocrity as if it was the new plague people die of. But have you ever stopped thinking why mediocrity has such a bad reputation? And why is “money” and “prestige” the agreed upon measurement of happiness and the worth & value of a person??? Why is a person who has a mediocre job and capable of going on family vacation here and there, has a hobby, gets to see their kids and friends often and spend time with them is valued less and labeled as mediocre, but the CEO of a company or a corrupt doctor (not implying that all of them are, just picked an example) has such an enviable position, even though they barely see their families, their stress levels are through the roof, have insomnia, anxiety, ulcer and eventually die of a heart attack. How is this so desirable? Just because they have a few more zeros in their bank account than the previously mentioned person? But if you really think about it: who is enjoying life more? The everyday pleasures of living and each moment? Why do we frown upon someone who works as a barista or at McDonald’s saying they are lazy because they never got a higher education, yet someone who has many diplomas might be a whole lot more lost and depressed than these simple, “mediocre” people.
And when did “mediocre” turn into the new “awful”? Look, a mediocre lifestyle in the USA today means you have a job that supports you and your family, you have food on your table, a roof over your head, enough free time to do your hobbies and enjoy some entertainment as well. Do you know that the majority of the world would kill for this kinda “mediocre” lifestyle? Do you know that many starving, homeless people and terminally ill people think that your mediocre life is the bomb?! Why don’t we compare our situation to them, instead of the “oh-so-popular” social influencers these days, the Instagram models, or the top 1% wealthy people? Why is that we always compare up and become miserable, instead of compare “down” to the less fortunate, and feel grateful and content? Do you think just by being happy and content with what you have will stunt your growth, you will just become a couch potato and will be a useless member of society? I think it is quiet the opposite instead. Once you fully, whole- heartedly accept that whatever/ wherever you are at the moment is where you need to be now, and it is the perfect place for you to be, you will find the happiness you are hoping to get from manifesting your future dreams. You will stop stressing out about the pressure of the creation, the anxiety of control of everything having to be turning out the exact way you dreamed it up, and you will relax into the pressure free flow of life.
Don’t worry, you will not be stuck. One thing that’s certain is that the only constant thing in life is change. Change is inevitable. New thoughts, ideas will come to you and you will either follow them or not. But the pressure of manifesting them (no matter what) will disappear and you will be more at a natural rhythm with life, instead of opposing it, because you think you know what would make you happy. And while creation, expression, and expansion is important and definitely a major part of our human life, it is not the only thing, and definitely not sustainable to ALWAYS go at this direction. You can only blow up a balloon so big before it pops. You can only inhale for so long before you have to exhale. You can only create so much, but if you don’t stop to smell the roses and take it all in, you will soon not be able to create anymore, because life and your body will force you to experience the opposite side as well.
Everything is in balance. It has to be. That’s why it bugs me when these new teachers and gurus only focus on pushing yourself to new limits, dream big, be bigger and better than you ever were. What is this constant race with others and ourselves? Why are we constantly pressuring ourselves and others to be something else than we are at the moment? Why do we have this mentality that whatever we are in this very moment is “NOT GOOD ENOUGH”? Why can’t we look at our lives and praise ourselves for what we have already achieved (we grew up, we birthed kids, we kept them alive, we cleaned the toilet today, we didn’t yell at our coworker today, we didn’t send a hateful text back to someone even though they so deserved it) instead of conveniently just overlooking everything we are and have been and keep our focus on the horizon (that can never be reached)??? Why can’t we just be content with our lives as it is? Why does even just the idea of it make people so scared in this modern world? Look at the indigenous people. Look at what we were back then when we were still sane, and not wrapped up in this modern fairy tale story of money and status. Did they lose sleep over what next position they should apply for? What kinda next leather dress they want to create out of the mammoth they kill? Heck no. They did what they had to do, whatever life brought them to do. They hunted, gathered, carried water, and then once the basic essentials were provided, they gathered together for the rest of the day and f@cking danced, told stories, laughed, ate together, enjoyed life, did some shamanic journeys, used some psychedelic help and were tripping all night until the morning. (OK, I just made that up, I’m sure that didn’t happen every night). See what I mean? We, humans and animals, are meant to enjoy life for the majority of the day, not constantly stressing out about everything, how to get “ahead” in life (ahead of what or who anyways?!) and how to become somebody, and how to achieve more, be more, do more.
That’s where all the mental noise is coming from, all the anxiety, the confusion, the sickness manifests in our bodies, because we believed these programmings, that our parents and society coded into us. That we HAVE TO become somebody (as if we were nobodies as of now), we have to make a dent in this world (but I bet you don’t tell it to every person that passes by your car to make a dent in it…then why would you encourage every idiot to make a dent in this precious world, when it is already messed up as it is?!). All that excessive thinking, that unnecessary mental noise that’s causing so much suffering already, and never provided any solutions. How could it? You can’t solve a problem the same way you created it.
That’s why I say that instead of obsessing about the next “right” step, or how to make more money, how to become a somebody, how to achieve your goals, how to push yourself more than ever before, try relaxing a bit. Try accepting everything in the moment AS. IT. IS! No changes, no exceptions, no “yes, but...”s, no maybe laters. Yourself and the world as it is in the moment! 100%. Because when you argue with reality, you lose, but only a 100%..as Byron Katie said so elegantly 🙂 And yet, it doesn’t mean that you will sit on the sofa stoned out of your mind forever. But you will be at peace with your life as it is in the moment. You will be happy with it in the moment. And the next moment if a good idea comes and you feel like following it, do it. If no idea comes and just the silence and the bliss, then enjoy it until it lasts. Either way, change will come, things will be done, but you don’t have to drive yourself crazy on the inside while it’s happening. Accept it and love it, just like you do it with every present moment. I find that this is the key to happiness. Not the achieving bullshit that we all have been sold.
“The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those who sang the best.”